Warning: if you're an Edward Cullen fan, this will fictional interview will probably offend you.
Eric: Can I get you something to drink before we get started?
Edward: Non-fat organic blood of a pig.
Eric: Do you think that being a vampire has affected your relationships?
Edward: Undoubtedly. But when you're incredibly hot and over-paid . . . (nudge, nudge) Eh? Eh?
Eric: (Adjusts in chair to out of reach of Edward) I see. So what do you have to do for fun?
Edward: Sparkle. And look cool on my motorcycles.
Eric: Any advice to aspiring vampires?
Edward: Sparkle.
Eric: Who would you call your closest friends?
Edward: Me.
Eric: How do you fix your hair if you can't see yourself in a mirror?
Edward: I . . . we . . . hmmm.
Eric: Before we go, could you smile so we can see those pointy teeth of yours?
Edward: Can't. My contract says it.
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